why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
