oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Randomize
