her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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