One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
