I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
