just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
two words: eviction party
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
