im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
