Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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