It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
