bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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