Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
