I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
