So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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