I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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