alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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