do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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