It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
