no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
