girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
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