so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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