Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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