ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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