I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
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