You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
