Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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