i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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