I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
nutella sex= disaster
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
