Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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