I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Randomize
