It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
one might say we're banned from that church
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
