im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
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