things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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