I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
