Don't make out with my wife yet
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
