What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
