I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
COCAINE IS GR8
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
