kristin has been a bad kristin
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
