We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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