I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
