fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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