Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
