i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
