I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
That accounts for only three of the penises
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
