My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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