You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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