Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
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