I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
