I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Randomize
