Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
In America we eat man semen.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
