I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
